Stop Telling Young Women to “Remain Pure”

What you are really saying when you suggest that women should wait until marriage to have sex because it keeps her “pure”:

  • You’re worthless if you’ve had sex.
  • You’re worthless even if the sex was forced on you.  Purity lost!
  • You should be very concerned with how others view you.
  • You should be very concerned with how others view your sex life.
  • You should fear your own body.
  • It’s best to not know what you’re getting into with the man you plan on spending your life with.
  • Men do not have to follow this rule because they are incapable of controlling themselves.
  • Your role in life is ranked by someone else’s values concerning your body.
  • You should probably get married young before you’re actually ready for it.
  • You’re out of luck if you do marry your husband and have to divorce him for any number of legitimate reasons.
  • Once married, you should fear leaving your husband if even it is necessary for your physical or emotional survival, because now you are tainted.
  • You’re free from persecution if you did wait til marriage, but you’ll never be as highly valued as you once were as a nubile, virgin woman.
  • If you’re a lesbian, you’re automatically impure, and you can’t get married anyway–so repent!
  • Furthermore, there’s a good chance you’ve actually already secretly ‘rebelled’ and had sex, so you better pretend this never happened and judge other women based on their sexual past.

Do you not see the control factor here?  Take a long, hard look at this list and ask yourself is this is what you want someone you love to obsess over in fear of social alienation.  You are not teaching a woman to value herself by threatening a loss of purity, also known as human value in this instance.

Countless articles about the Duggars or the Robertson men and women’s plight for “true values!” are circulating these days.  While I understand that both examples identify as Christian, and it is a Christian rule to abstain until marriage, I am disgusted with how this  idea is used to dictate what makes a woman valuable.  Some may argue these are their personal values, and while I agree a person should have their own *personal* values to live by without judgment, I vehemently disagree with the act of preaching these views as superior.

Before I am accused of doing the same, let me be very clear:  My only purpose in writing this article is to enlighten potential readers on the damage of perpetuating the “pure virgin” role for women to follow.  In no way do I hope to instigate premarital sex, nor do I care what a man or woman does in his or her sex life.  What I do care about is the stigma that is forced upon women for even entertaining her right to sex.

There are plenty of viable reasons to wait until marriage or committed unions ranging from the avoidance of STDs, unwanted pregnancy, general disinterest in relationships had thus far, to simple, personal preference.  Purity is not a viable reason to teach others abstinence.

Purity is an intangible, invisible concept, and subject to interpretation.  If you want someone to go crazy, promote an idea like this for them to live by.

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